Wednesday 11 March 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Marvin Gaye rises from the dead to angrily deny ‘Blurred Lines’ similarity


Marvin Gaye Blurred Lines

The entertainment world was shocked today when Marvin Gaye returned to our mortal realm to deny that his song is anything like rapists’ anthem ‘Blurred Lines’.

“Listen man” said Gaye, through his decomposed jaw, “I may have been dead a while, but I still know good music.”

“I know “Got to Give It Up” is good music, and I know that Robin Thicke is a talentless shite-hawk.”

“If any of you ever loved me, or used my music to seduce a woman in a consensual manner, you’ll stop comparing my song to that loose stool water right now.”

Asked if this meant he was unhappy with the five million pound settlement that his family received for copyright violation, Gaye said “What does that matter to me? I’m a walking corpse.”

“Look at this arm. There used to be a bicep on it. Now there’s just moss. What use is money to a man covered in moss?”

Robin Thicke settlement

The offending song’s writer, Pharrell Williams, released a statement from underneath his unbelievably stupid hat: “It was quite a shock when Marvin Gaye not only rose from the dead, but also displayed the wherewithal to find out where I live and to come and knock on my door to shout at me.”

“I was equal parts honoured and fucking horrified to meet him.”

‘Blurred Lines’ took Pharrell Williams only one hour to write, which makes the song the most accurate representation of the old adage “you get out of it what you put into it”.

“Seriously?” said Gaye, literally picking up his jaw from the floor, “One hour? If I was lucky, I might come up with a vague theme in that time.”

“What the hell have you people done to music while I’ve been away?”

We played Marvin a short burst of LMFAO’S “Sexy and I Know It”, at which point he sighed, then threw himself in front of a bus to return to his eternal resting place.

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