Wednesday 11 March 2015 by Lucas Wilde

Divorced men bricking it


Divorced men bricking it

Every man who is slightly better off than he was when he got divorced is filling his pants at this very moment, according to reports.

Following the landmark ruling that Kathleen Wyatt, 55, could retrospectively claim a shit-ton of cash from now millionaire ex-husband Dale Vince, 53, every man who’s done a bit better for himself in the years since his marriage crumbled like a wet cake has been advised to panic immediately.

“Feck”, said Robert Payne, who worked as a Crew Member at McDonald’s at the time of his divorce but has since risen to the position of Branch Manager, “I reckon that vengeful harlot could take me for close to fifteen grand with this as a precedent.”

“What the hell were the judges thinking? Don’t these broads have enough power these days with their right to vote, drive and whatnot?”

Divorced woman, Lottie Tunstall, rubbed her hands together and said “Bloody marvelous”.

“My ex-husband, Toby, was just a cleaner when we got divorced back in 2001. Now he’s manager at a local car wash. He must be raking it in.”

“Ker-ching.”

Realtionships expert, Abby Weaver, said “It is very, very sad when a marriage breaks down. It’s almost as sad as when a dog dies in a film. But not quite that sad, obviously, I have a soul you know.”

“But perhaps the thought of losing out on a lot of money in the future will keep couples together. After all, there’s no better reason for a marriage to survive than the threat of one side losing a massive wad of cash to the other.”

“That’s what true love is all about.”

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