Thursday 5 March 2015 by Neil Tollfree

‘Just start your own train company’ Osborne tells commuters


Osborne commuters

George Osborne has joined the debate surrounding the shocking state of commuter services in the south of England by telling commuters to start their own train firms.

“I recognise that there are difficulties on some of the commuter services into London,” Osborne said from the back of his tax-payer funded chauffeur-driven Jaguar.

“But this is the advantage of having a competitive market for train services; literally anyone with a can-do attitude and a complete set of rolling stock can go out and start their own train company.”

His words come in the wake of scenes of chaos at London Bridge when Southern Rail decided to halt all services at rush hour for over an hour ‘for a laugh.’

“Well, this is my point,” said the Chancellor.

“Obviously, it was a trying situation, but if it had been me, I would have marched right out of the station and set up my own train company.”

“Imagine if everyone started a train company? We’d have thousands of train companies and only the very best train companies would survive. It’s how the Market ensures excellence.”

“Anyway, trains? Nothing to do with the Government. Not any more.”

Mr Osborne then instructed is chauffeur to drive on and do his best to avoid ‘that bloody mob of plebs who spill out of Waterloo station on to the road.’

“Danger to motorists is what they are,” he said as he sped off.

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