Thursday 26 February 2015

Madonna inundated with workplace accident compensation cold calls


Madonna falls down stairs at the Brits

Workplace compensation claims specialists have been frantically trying to reach Madonna after she fell down the stairs at work.

The accident took place during her Brit Awards performance and saw her tumble-down two steps before hitting the ground in front of millions of witnesses.

Workplace compensation lawyer Simon Williams told us, “All I heard was ’56 year old woman fell down the stairs at work’, and thought there’s some mileage in that.”

“Then I was told that one of her colleagues actually pulled her down the stairs by the clothes around her neck – and it was all caught on camera.”

“That’s when I got excited. It’s an open and shut case, a proper big payout.”

“I got £15k for a woman who slipped after ignoring a ‘wet floor’ sign, so imagine what I can do here!”

“Then I heard it was actually Madonna, the Madonna, and that’s when I realised this is the sort of claim that not only makes careers, but I could retire on the commission.”

“I’ve been pressing redial ever since.”

Madonna’s fall at the Brits

Viewers have said that although it looked like a pretty big tumble, Madonna got up and carried on suggesting she had suffered no serious injuries.

Williams went on, “Don’t let that fool you. These types of injuries can take a few hours to present themselves – adrenaline can get you through a lot of pain.”

“The only people who truly seem able to identify the seriousness of a workplace injury the very moment it happens are premiership footballers.”

“Put it this way, if the next photo you see of Madonna is of her in a wheelchair and a total body cast from the neck down, you’ll know I’ve made contact.”

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