Wednesday 25 February 2015

Tory MP David Tredennick’s horoscope predicts relentless piss-taking


David Tredinnick

Tory MP David Tredinnick’s horoscope has today predicted a day of relentless abuse and piss-taking, just 24 hours after suggesting astrology could save the NHS.

The conservative MP for Bosworth said that astrology has a role to play in the National Health Service, whilst also strongly supporting other bullshit remedies such as homeopathy.

Those in the medical professions have said he is right about astrology having a role to play in the NHS, in that believing astrology has a place in the NHS should preclude you from having any influence in the NHS whatsoever.

GP Simon Williams told us, “Astrology is a load of old bollocks, yet here is his horoscope for today offering a completely plausible – and so far entirely accurate – prediction of what his day has in store.”

“Its reads; Capricorn: As Mars enters Uranus you will find those around you mock you for the bullshit things you believe in, particularly the stuff about astrology and homeopathy, for which no reliable evidence has ever been presented.”

“The afternoon will see calls for you to resign from any parliamentary committee even remotely related to healthcare, which you will completely ignore because you believe in magic pills and star fairies.”

“You will counter these accusations with ‘evidence’, but the ‘evidence’ you present will be widely discredited as nonsense, and your assertions will be publicly mocked by everyone with so much as a GCSE in science.”

“But, come May, you will be re-elected to your Bosworth constituency because it’s a safe Tory seat and unfortunately people will vote for any old moron with a blue rosette.”

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