Monday 23 February 2015

Dictionaries updated as HSBC redefines ‘challenging year’ as only making £12bn profit


HSBC challenging year

HSBC has described a year in which they made over £12bn profit as ‘challenging’, forcing hurried rewrites for dictionary providers everywhere.

The banking giant said that making over £33m in profit every single day meant the last year had proven to be ‘unsatisfactory’ for all at the bank.

However banking customer Simon Williams said he had a slightly different interpretation of the word ‘challenging’.

He told us, “Personally, I think the year in which I lost my job, and my granddad died, was particularly challenging.”

“But I can also see how awful a bank might feel after making only quarter of a billion pounds profit a week, every week, for an entire year.”

HSBC profits

HSBC has sought to explain its attempt to redefine the word ‘challenging’.

A spokesperson told us, “How else can you describe a period in which your profits were barely more than a million pounds an hour? In what sort of world is that defined as a ‘success’?”

“Not in the banking world, that’s for sure.”

“How can I put this in terms you people might understand – okay, imagine winning the lottery every single day for the entire year, but not one of those wins was a double rollover – that’s how bad this year has been.”

“You’d be absolutely distraught, and rightly so – and that’s how we feel about the last year.”

“We made just £33 million pounds profit every single day – even on so-called bank holidays – which as I’m sure you’d agree, is absolutely shit.”

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