Wednesday 18 February 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Young unemployed should dance for our amusement, insists Cameron


David Cameron laughing

The Prime Minister has announced new plans to make young benefit claimants dance for the Tories’ amusement.

It follows plans already revealed to have them work for any benefits they receive.

“The young unemployed are clearly worthless,” said the prime minister.

“They bleed money from the State, but unlike pensioners they don’t vote for us, so we think it’s only fair that they dance for our amusement.”

“Like the stupid bears peasants used to make dance for you when your parents took you on holiday to Johnny Foreigner land,” he added.

Young unemployed

The new plans come from a wide range of options to deal with the young unemployed that included punching them in the face, kicking them up the arse and making them walk about with no trousers on wearing a hat saying ‘I am a big fat unemployed goon’.

“Yeah, I think it’s a really sensible policy,” said hate-filled lunatic Simon Williams.

“Literally every young person in the country just wants to sit about on drugs having sex with each other through their Xboxes. Someone should do something.”

Which, coincidently, was today’s Daily Mail Headline.

Labour were quick to respond to the new Tory policy.

“Youth unemployment? I’ve got something about that. It’s here somewhere,” said Ed Miliband before tripping over and spilling his papers all over the pavement.

“I think it was something about allotments.”

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