Monday 9 February 2015

Garden centre morons complain after lack of success in planting biscuits


Garden centre daffodils shouldn't be eaten

Garden centres have been urged to keep food products away from their plant and shrub aisles this spring – to prevent morons planting them in their gardens.

The move comes after numerous reports of idiots buying food in their local garden centre, thinking it was something they could plant and grow in their gardens at home.

Garden centre worker Simon Williams told us. “You’d think the average consumer would know the difference between something you eat, and something you plant – but apparently not.”

“We had one particular customer who complained after his mars bar didn’t grow into a mars bar tree.”

“Apparently he watered it diligently every day for two months, expecting a bumper harvest in time for BBQ season.”

“Thanks to people like him we’ve had to put all of our cakes and biscuits under a heading that says ‘You Really Should Not Plant This Stuff’.”

“Personally I was in favour of making our customers take an IQ test.”

Food not plants

Garden centre users have insisted that it can be confusing deciding which things to put in your mouth, and which to put in the ground.

Customer Sheila Matthews told us, “It can be a little overwhelming, certainty.”

“I think it’s very misleading to put their organic flapjacks next to their planting bulbs. It’s a very easy mistake to make.”

“I feel a little silly now, obviously. This is nearly as embarrassing as that time I went to Tesco and ate all the Daffodils.”

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