Thursday 5 February 2015 by Neil Tollfree

UK Government to step up campaign of tutting and shaking its head about Islamic State


Parliament ISIS response

After criticism from the Defence Select Committee that the UK’s role in fighting Islamic State extremists is ‘shockingly modest,’ the UK Government has pledged to really ‘give them a piece of its mind’.

“Well, quite frankly, we’re very disappointed in Islamic State, and we’ve told them so,” said Defence Secretary Michael Fallon.

“I mean, I say ‘told them,’ we haven’t actually said anything but we’ve tutted and shook our heads a lot.”

“So I think that’s really given them something to think about.”

The Committee has recommended dramatically stepping up air-strikes, increasing regional diplomatic involvement and highlighted ‘considerable scope for special forces operations’.

“Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves,” said the Defence Secretary.

“Those are all good ideas for the future, but for now, we’ve stopped talking to them, we’ve given them some really hard stares and Phillip Hammond’s said if he ever sees one of them, he’ll give him a jolly good talking to.”

“I’m not sure that there’s much else we can really do at the moment.”

The Prime Minister was forced to step in and address the concerns.

“I recognise the committee’s concerns,” he said.

“So how about this, along with everything that the Secretary of Defence is doing, I also pledge to be really nasty to Muslims in the UK?”

“That should be good for a few votes.”

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