Wednesday 4 February 2015

Harry Redknapp signs three replacement knees on £60k a week contracts


Harry Redknapp signs new knees

Harry Redknapp was today celebrating the signing of three new knees in what he has called a ‘terrific bit of business’.

The former QPR boss has refused to leave his wheeler-dealer days behind him, and claims to be delighted with his new signings.

At a hastily arranged press conference to unveil the new knees, Redknapp told reporters, “Some people will say I’ve paid over the odds for these knees, but I genuinely believe you can never have enough good knees.”

“Sure, they’ve got a few miles on the clock, definitely, but you can’t buy that sort of experience.”

“At 83, 92 and 97 years-old, these knees have definitely got a lot to offer, and I don’t think I’ve over-paid for them at all, no.”

“There’s very little these knees haven’t seen, and I’m sure they can teach my current knee a thing or two about bending and stuff.”

“Conventional wisdom suggests two knees is all you need, but I’ve always been a bit of a maverick in the transfer market, and it’s nice to have competition for places.”

Harry Rednapps new knees

A spokesperson for the new knees said they were excited to be working with Redknapp.

They told us, “He’s a legend, obviously, and we thought our last big pay-day had been and gone, but it seems Harry is once again willing get out the cheque book and pay over the odds for things no-one else wanted.”

When told that he wouldn’t be able to use someone else’s money to pay up these new contracts, Redknapp told us. “Wait, what?”

“No, no, that’s not how I do business…”

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