Tuesday 3 February 2015

Three-person babies could get ‘50% more birthday presents’


Three person babies

A controversial new technique to create babies from the DNA of three people could see a fifty percent rise in birthday presents throughout the lifetime of the child.

The technique will be debated in the commons later today, and could have a profound effect on the quality of birthdays for thousands of children a year.

Senior researcher Simon Williams told us, “We think a 50% rise in birthday presents is actually a fairly conservative estimate”

“Because we’re not even counting the fact that with three parents there might be an element of one-upmanship between the adults, with parents trying to out-do each other, gift-wise.”

“It’s entirely possible that the gains made in volume and quality of birthday presents could prove to be exponential in the real-world.”

Three-person babies

Despite promising research, the Church is currently against the plan, as it involves science and other things it has absolutely no understanding of.

The Reverend Brendan McCarthy, Church of England adviser on medical ethics, said: “Nowhere in the Bible does it say three-person DNA babies are OK, therefore it is bad. QED.”

“What next, four person babies? Ten person babies? One hundred person babies? – where will it end?”

“It will end with people marrying their toasters, just like it did when we allowed gay marriage, that’s where.”

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