Monday 2 February 2015

Rampant consumerism celebrates 49th consecutive Super Bowl victory


Super Bowl XLIX

Marketing professionals are celebrating yet another a magnificent victory in yesterday’s Super Bowl XLIX, after securing unprecedented levels of coverage for their range of tawdry products.

In a match between the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, which was won by one them 28-24, all eyes were on the brands that could most successfully exploit their exposure to tens of millions of American wallets.

NFL spokesperson Walt Gamington told us, “Each year we wonder where we are going improve on the previous year’s successful extraction of income from US workers, and yet we continue to do so, time and again.”

“I think that’s it’s a testament to the skills of our nation’s marketing professionals that even in such financially challenging times we were able to secure $4.5m for a 30 second commercial in the middle of a ball game.”

“We’ve got sponsored cameras, sponsored drinks providers, sponsored breaks, sponsored time-outs, sponsored lines on the pitch.”

“It’s absolutely brilliant.”

Super bowl XLV

Gamington continued, “We are running out of things to sponsor, admittedly, but I have faith in our nation’s capitalists to wring several million dollars more out of someone in time for next year’s event.”

“Each quarter-back has eight fingers and two thumbs, there’s twenty sponsorship opportunities right there – you can have that one for free.”

“Tom Brady’s right index finger – ‘brought to you by Frito-Lay Sunchips’ has a certain ring to it, no?”

“What about ‘sponsored’ sponsors? ‘This McDonald’s advert was brought to you by Ford’ – that’s surely an option?”

“Sure, there are some people who will tell you that the Super bowl is an important sporting and cultural event in the US calendar – and I’d agree to a certain extent, so long as at the end of the day, commercial exploitation is the winner.”

English sports fans watched the Superbowl in wide-eyed bemusement, as the action was endlessly interrupted by marketing messages from companies promising to make your life immeasurably better, for a price.

Manchester United fan Simon Williams told us, “I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but watching the NFL’s Super Bowl makes watching the Premier League seem like it’s staged in 1950s communist East Germany.”

There are also concerns among fans, after reports that Premier League boss Richard Scudamore spent the entire evening watching the action whilst repeating the mantra, “Amazing, just amazing.”

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