Tuesday 27 January 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Wave of Catholics expected to convert to Church of England ‘for the girls’


female bishops

The Church of England is bracing itself for thousands of new Catholic converts attracted to the church ‘for the girls’.

“Have you seen that Libby Lane? She’s proper fit,” said soon to be ex-Roman Catholic Simon Williams.

“If I convert to Church of England I still get the hypocrisy and bigotry I enjoy, but with a side order of hot Bishops.”

“It’s a theological win-win.”

The Reverend Libby Lane was ordained as Britain’s first female Bishop on Monday, and already her flirty smile and cheeky way with a mitre have won her fans throughout the Christian world.

There is considerable concern amongst the Catholic hierarchy that young Catholic boys will put posters of Bishop Lane on their walls and be driven to sinful acts of wickedness into sports socks.

“The thing is, I mean, the Pope’s a lovely bloke and all that, and I like his traditional yet tolerant approach to some of the more tricky moral dilemmas facing Christianity in the new millennium,” said Mr Williams.

“But he’d look crap bending over in a miniskirt.”

The Catholic Church has been criticised for its refusal to contemplate women priests, but as Archbishop Justin Welby recently revealed, it wasn’t thoughts of modernisation that led the Church of England to its historic decision.

“No, we just needed someone at the General Synod to make the tea.”

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