Monday 26 January 2015

Asteroid survives near miss with moron-infected planet


Asteroid near-miss

Asteroid 2004 BL86 has dramatically survived a near-miss with ‘Earth’, a planet well-known for carrying dangerously high levels of morons.

The planet apparently came within 1.2m kilometres of the mountain-sized asteroid, which is merely a hair’s breadth in cosmic terms.

Planetary expert Simon Williams explained, “It’s a lucky escape for the asteroid, certainly. Planet Earth is home to literally the worst people in the universe.

“There is nowhere else in the entire universe where reality television is so voraciously absorbed by dim-witted sacks of organic matter.

“Even a minor collision could have seen it exposed to Celebrity Big Brother, UKIP and Fox News.

“You simply don’t recover from something like that, and once you’re exposed to the Earth you’re contaminated forever. Probably with a McDonald’s franchise.

“The asteroid might be a lifeless rock of stone and ice hurtling through space at close to absolute zero, but that still makes it miles better than Basingstoke.”

Asteroid near miss

Asteroid 2004 BL86 said it was never in any real danger, thanks to rigorous monitoring of planetary activity.

A spokesperson for the asteroid explained, “We’ve been monitoring Earth for a few months now, ever since we discovered the potential for a near-miss.

“You don’t even have to touch the Earth these days as they’ve started extending their reach beyond the surface, which is hugely disappointing.

“But thankfully we avoided all contact and can be on our merry way without so much as a cursory glance towards the human race.

“Which is nice.”

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