Sunday 25 January 2015

King Abdullah praised for dragging Saudi Arabia into 14th century


King Abdullah

Following the death of King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia, world leaders have been paying tribute to his achievement in giving Saudi Arabia an authentic medieval feel.

“It’s a remarkable legacy”, said international affairs expect Gerry Talbot.

“When he became King, Saudi Arabia was an indescribably wretched pit and he turned it around into a place which was just where nobody in their right mind would want to live.”

“Incredibly, that is actually progress.”

King Abdullah’s reforming agenda, which was criticised by swivel-eyed lunatics as dangerously liberal, included recognising women as human beings under limited circumstances, removing torture of dissidents as the national sport, and spending slightly less of the country’s vast oil wealth on fast cars, russian prostitutes and blowing people up.

The international community is hopeful that this reforming spirit can be applied to other countries as well, with speculation rife that it might be possible to get North Korea to stop machine-gunning people for watching The Simpsons within fifty years.

However, many acknowledge that without Abdullah’s reforming drive, the country might slip back.

“The danger is that Saudi Arabia will become a deeply religious state where people can be killed by police at the drop of a hat for being the slightest bit different.”

“And let’s face it, we’ve already got Ferguson, Missouri for that.”

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