Friday 23 January 2015 by Steven Markham

Stark warning for SNP as Scotland’s Hate Reserves run low


Scottish hate reserves

Scotland is heading for a crisis as its reserves of hate are estimated to have fallen at unprecedented levels.

If current trends continue, the country is expected to exhaust its supplies of hate by 2025, plunging the SNP into a crisis as it will be unable to sustain an election campaign.

Economists at the International Vitriol Commission (IVC) have found that Scottish supplies of hate are running out far faster than expected, with no new sources being discovered.

Dr Byron Lecroc of the IVC stated that “If current trends continue, the SNP will find itself completely unsustainable within 10 years, and will need to seek alternative supplies.”

“Other sources of hate do exist, such as the huge fields of Anti-Semitism in the Middle East, which are showing no signs of running out any time soon.”

Scottish hate deficit

Recently, SNP Leader Nicola Sturgeon has attempted to revive the stocks by promising continued subsidies and voting on English legislation in order to import as yet untapped hate from the rest of the UK.

“By digging up hundreds of years of perceived historic abuse we promise to protect Scotland’s future by remaining firmly in the past,” said Sturgeon.

Overuse of vociferous bitterness and pure unrefined hate during the recent independence campaign has brought supplies to an all-time low north of the border.

Despite using modern production methods such as Blame Blasting and Resentment Fracking, the SNP has found it impossible to restore supplies to their former level.

An SNP spokesperson told us, “We’ve relied on hate to fuel our economy, infrastructure and politics for over 300 years now, it’s unthinkable that the country, let alone our party could operate without it.”

“We’ve tried blaming the English, but people just aren’t buying it anymore.”

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