Thursday 22 January 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Calls for urgent clampdown on people saying it’s ‘too cold to snow’


Too cold to snow

Meteorologists have called for an urgent clampdown on people using the phrase ‘it’s probably too cold to snow’.

Leading meteorologist Doctor Stephen Emmsworth told us, “Look, it’s not just that it’s a stupid thing to say.

“I mean, it is. Oymyakon in Russia has an average winter temperature of minus 50 C and that’s covered in snow. I mean, do you think they import it?

“But the real problem with the phrase is that it’s used by the sort of smug bores who get ‘facts’ from Facebook, think homeopathy has ‘got something going for it,’ and sprinkle Berocca on chips to cure colds.”

Recent studies show that on any exceptionally cold day, well over thirty thousand people across the country will claim that it’s ‘too cold to snow.’

As many as 40% of the people who hear the statement treat it as fact but only 5% will punch the speaker in the face.

“Frankly, I’d like to see a 40% punch-in-the-face rate,” said Dr Emmsworth.

If the clampdown is successful, then Dr Emmsworth would like to see it extended.

“When we’ve stopped the ‘too cold to snow’ nonsense, then we can move on to eradicating ‘If this is what global warming does then I’m all for it,’ when there’s unseasonably warm weather.

“And don’t even get me started on all that ‘Red sky in the morning’ nonsense.”

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