Thursday 22 January 2015

Anger as The Sun continues to publish itself as ‘newspaper’


The Sun

The Sun has today left many people angry after sustained speculation that it would stop referring to itself as a ‘newspaper’ proved to be false.

The Times newspaper wrote earlier this week that The Sun would stop publishing as a ‘newspaper’ and instead be known as a ‘tawdry comic’.

However today’s edition of The Sun clearly contains the words ‘newspaper’.

Genuine newspaper reader Simon Williams told us, “I saw it right there in the newsagent, it had the word ‘newspaper’ in the masthead. It’s shocking.”

“It’s almost like one Murdoch paper told lies about another Murdoch paper in order to drum interest in a Murdoch paper, all for the benefit of Murdoch papers everywhere.”

“Not like that would actually happen, obviously.”

“I just don’t see how can The Sun continue to publish itself like this, including the word ‘newspaper’ just like that? It’s disgusting.”

“I’m all for free speech, and The Sun can print whatever it likes, obviously, but let’s call it what it is.”

“Brightly coloured pages of made up bullshit and tits. It’s not news.”

The Sun ‘newspaper’

A spokesperson for The Sun explained, “Look, they’ve made us stop hacking phones, they’ve stopped us making stuff up, and now they want us to stop printing tits in our pages too?”

“Surely they can let us keep the name ‘newspaper’ as some sort of compromise? Is that too much to ask?”

“Technically, we do print on paper, and we did cover a reality TV star’s new boob job today – which is news by an admittedly loose definition – so I think we are a ‘news paper’. By definition in fact.”

White van driver Dave Smith had the final word, telling us, “Look, I like the idea of The Sun being a proper ‘newspaper’, because it makes me feel intellectual when I masturbate to it.”

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