Sunday 18 January 2015

Pope invokes Papal infallibility to win Vatican pub quiz


Papal infallibility

The Pope has enraged Vatican theologians, after invoking his own powers of infallibility in order to win the most recent Vatican pub quiz.

The row began after the Pope insisted that the Amazon is the longest river in the world in answer to a tie-break question, which was needed after he and his aides tied with a group of priests from Spain.

Despite insistence from the Spanish team that the Nile is the longest river on earth, a position backed up with evidence from books, encyclopedias, the Internet, and even satellite imagery, the quiz-master was left with little choice but to declare the Pope the winner.

A witness to the incident, Father Jameson, told reporters, “Do you know know what infallible means? It means he can’t be wrong. He. Can. Not. Be. Wrong.”

“If the Pope says that the longest river on earth is the Amazon, then it’s the Amazon.  End of story.  He was a little smug about it to be honest, but in his position he can afford to be.”

Pope Infallibility

The losing Spanish team have admitted that although they are disappointed, the word of God’s representative on earth should be taken as Gospel.

Team captain Father Suarez said, “When he invokes that infallibility thing there’s not a lot you can do about it.  That’s sort of the point.”

“I know he’s meant to use it mainly for religious matters, but every now and again he uses in arguments where he thinks he’s going to lose.”

“Who are you going to believe? The word of scientists backed up with centuries of evidence, or the guy we all voted for to be the boss of us?”

“I suppose the writing was on the wall when he used it earlier in the evening after someone suggested it was his turn at the bar.”

“Also, during the pop music round I think it’s fair to say that we all thought the fifth returning member of Take That was Robbie Williams, but if he says that it’s James Blunt, then it’s James Blunt.  That’s how infallibility works.”

“He should go on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.  He would totally clean up.”

I think, there I am (not religious)

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