Tuesday 6 January 2015 by Neil Tollfree

Local pub forced to declare Major Incident


Local pub declares major incident

The Red Lion pub in Haywards Heath earlier today declared a Major Incident after it was found to be operating near the peak of its capacity.

“Yeah, it was definitely a capacity issue,” said head barman Ray Smart.

“I mean, the Fosters was off, the bulb in the Gents had gone and we were all out of scampi fries.”

“You never want to have to declare a Major Incident, but what other choice did we have?”

Under the terms of a Major Incident, the Red Lion is able cancel routine tasks such as serving customers, draft in extra staff and potentially close its doors to the public.

Although Mr Smart was at pains to point out that the situation hadn’t escalated to that level yet.

“No, those doors stay open, don’t you worry about that. I mean, I may only be able to sit here and finish this crossword and then watch the repeat of Colombo on ITV3, but come what may, those doors stay open.”

When it was pointed out that Mr Smart was eating a bag of salt and vinegar crisps which he claimed to have run out of, he was quick to respond.

“Well, yeah we weren’t out of Salt and vinegar, then I opened this bag which rendered us out of Salt and vinegar and forced me to declare the Major Incident.”

“It’s a difficult time for all of us.”

“Hey, I don’t suppose you know a seven letter word for horse, do you?”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: