Sunday 28 December 2014

Santa preparing statement on accusations that he ‘clearly prefers rich kids’


Santa explains why he prefers rich kids

Santa Claus is working with a top PR London firm to explain to children everywhere why he gives the best gifts to rich children.

The move comes after children everywhere compared gifts and realised that maybe being good throughout the year wasn’t as important to Santa as what your parents do for a living.

Well-behaved 7-year-old Henry Williams told us he got some nice toys and games but that Marcus James, a kid who regularly bullies other children, and whose father is a solicitor in the city, got an iPad, PS4 and a remote control car that can do 20 mph.

He said, “I just want a level playing field from Santa, that’s all. Is it too much to ask?

“It seems that across society the rich are getting richer, and now their kids are also getting the best presents from Santa.

“I bust my arse all year being nice to people, working hard at school, and doing as my parents ask – and for what? To come second best in the gift stakes to that total shit like Marcus James?

“Not anymore.”

Santa accused

With accusations of corruption spreading across playgrounds throughout the nation, Santa has been forced into strenuous denials.

“Any suggestion of impropriety on my part is entirely unfounded,” the bearded present-giver told waiting reporters.

“I will be working to clear my name over the coming weeks, and to ensure that everyone understands that rich kids getting better presents is purely coincidence.

“Have you thought that maybe poor children aren’t setting their sights high enough on their Christmas lists? Hmm?

“Or maybe, just maybe, the kids who go to private school are simply better at writing letters to me.”

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