Monday 22 December 2014 by Neil Tollfree

George Osborne urges poor people to ‘ask Santa for rent money’


Osborne Santa Claus

George Osborne today suggested the poor should ask Santa Claus to provide money for food, rent, and other essentials.

“I intend to help the poor have a very, Merry Christmas by providing templates for letters to Santa on the Tory party website,” said the Chancellor.

“Hopefully, this will prevent them from simply asking for xBoxes, cigarettes, and cheap sportswear.”

The Chancellor was speaking after a dinner of roasted swan with gold shavings in the House of Commons canteen, and seems to have been received warmly by supporters

“No, it’s a good idea,” said Simon Williams of Bracknell.

“Although, I just hope it doesn’t lead to Father Christmas using all his money on the scroungers and that, and not having enough left to bring me a drone.”

The letter templates contain a greeting to Santa Claus, an assertion that the correspondent has been good, and a selection of requests such as money for rent, tinned goods, an electric heater, and so on.

The Labour party has been scathing in its criticism of the plan.

“This letter to Santa shows just how out of touch the Tories are,” said Ed Miliband.

“A Labour Party template for a letter to Santa would include options to request a small child’s toy, a book on Keynesian economics, or money for Labour party donations.”

When it was mentioned that Santa Claus didn’t exist, Mr Miliband looked visibly shocked and left the interview in some distress.

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