Monday 22 December 2014

Bookmakers stop taking bets on Queen revealing reptilian self


Queens speech reptilian reveal

Bookmakers across the country have stopped taking bets on the Queen using her Christmas address to reveal her true reptilian self.

The dinner time address is usually reserved for reflection of the year just past and the promise of a brighter future, a tradition that will be ignored by a Queen desperate to at long last remove her fake plastic skin.

Bookmaker Steve Matthews of Paddy Power told us, “We’ve seen a huge amount of money going on the Queen outing herself as a lizard.”

“Just this morning we took another ten grand from a Mr D. Icke predicting just that – he’s got a Queen/Cameron accumulator that’s worth a small fortune.”

“Right now our exposure is just too high, so we’ve decided to suspend betting on the queen peeling off her skin to reveal herself to be a humanoid lizard on Christmas day.”

“Personally we’ll be keeping our fingers crossed for familiar platitudes and a bit about it being 100 years since the first Christmas of the first world war.”

Queen’s speech

Television owner Simon Williams said he’d quite like to see the queen revealed as a lizard.

“It’s not that I’m anti-monarchy or anything, but it would at least make them a bit more interesting.”

“Plus, I used to love that show ‘V’ as a kid, so if the queen could dislocate her jaw and swallow a whole live guinea pig that would be just awesome.”

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