Monday 15 December 2014 by Gary Stanton

Ibuprofen withdrawn over homophobic rant fears


UKIP drugs withdrawn

A leading painkiller has been taken off the shelves after causing a member of the public to hurl anti-gay abuse.

Fears arose when Ibuprofen recipient and UKIP candidate Kerry Smith used the phrase “a bunch of fucking disgusting old pooftahs” just hours after taking two capsules of the drug with a glass of water.

Smith later apologised for the remark claiming the drug had clouded his otherwise perfectly sane rational judgement.

Mr Smith said, “Shortly after taking the pills I began to experience cold sweats and unnatural thoughts of a homosexual orgy in which several well-oiled young men were taking it in turns to penetrate me both orally and anally.”

“That’s when I started screaming the homophobic abuse, especially when I realised one of the men was a Chinky.”

“Sorry I meant Chinese person. ”

“That’ll be the Anadin Extra talking. It causes me to use language that non-UKIP members might find racially offensive.”

UKIP homophobe

Ibuprofen spokesman Simon Williams said, “We’ve known about the side-effects ever since a group of Ibuprofen-fed lab rats launched a sustained attack on the new Holly Johnson CD.”

“A control group fed with a placebo managed to listen to KD Lang’s greatest hits without keeling over.”

Kerry later confirmed that remarks in which he branded gays and transgender people as BLTs, after a popular sandwich, were the result of a batch of Paracetemol that was past its sell-by date.

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