Wednesday 10 December 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Ed Miliband announces that he is ‘still here’


Ed Miliband still here

Ed Miliband has used a radio interview to announce that he definitely still exists.

Concern has been growing as to the existence of Mr Miliband over recent months due to his absence from any form of political debate.

“No, No, I definitely still exist,” confirmed the Labour leader.

“I realise that I’ve been a little bit quiet but, you know, it’s a busy time; summer holidays, Halloween, Bonfire Night, and then you’ve got to start doing Christmas cards.”

“And the new Mario Kart came out, and that can really take over your time.”

“It’s a nightmare!”

Miliband definitely still there

When it was pointed out that as leader of the Opposition, it might be a good idea to start opposing things, he was quick to respond.

“Now, that’s unfair, I regularly oppose things. Why, only Saturday night, Justine wanted fish fingers for tea while we watched X-Factor.”

“But I said; No! Because I don’t like fish fingers, you see.”

His response to the assertion that a goldfish would make a more effective leader of the Labour party was equally strident.

“No, I mean, where would you pin the rosette?”

Labour supporters have had mixed feelings regarding their leader’s re-emergence.

“So, our major policy shift six months before the election is that we don’t like fish fingers,” said activist Simon Williams.

“Have we got a local branch of UKIP?”

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