Tuesday 9 December 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Why don’t poor people just have their butlers make porridge, asks Baroness Jenkins


Baroness Jenkins on food banks

Tory peer Baroness Jenkins yesterday expressed her exasperation with poor people not simply having their butlers make porridge.

“Aside from their smell, the thing I find infuriating about the poor is their predilection for sugary cereals,” she said in a radio interview.

“It’s no effort at all to have one’s butler mix up a lovely bowl of good, wholesome porridge.”

Baroness Jenkins has been charged with investigating why poor people are so lazy and feckless.

“Personally, I prefer my porridge laced with boiled swan, but I realise that maybe beyond the means of some poor people,” she continued, showing deep understanding of the issues.

It was pointed out to the Baroness that poor people often couldn’t afford a personal manservant.

“Well, you see, therein lies the problem,” she countered.

“Poor people are all too able to squander their benefits on luxuries such as Xboxes, cigarettes and crack cocaine.”

“They really need to be taught to focus their meagre means on essentials like a good butler.”

Baroness Jenkins food bank review

The Baroness’s views have found a certain degree of sympathy.

“Well, I think the old girl’s said what everyone’s been thinking,” said Lord Simon Williams of Bracknell.

“These bally poor types need to get up off their behinds and employ a decent butler like the rest of us.”

“And a couple of rounds with the birch wouldn’t go amiss either.”

Baroness Jenkins’ cookbook “Make the Butler do it,” will be available in all good bookshops from Monday.

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