Monday 8 December 2014

MP apologises for spamming constituents in desperate plea for Candy Crush lives


Candy Crush MP

Conservative MP Nigel Mills has issued an apology after sending thousands of messages to constituents in the desperate hope of gaining extra Candy Crush lives.

The MP for AMber Valley and member of the Work and Pensions Committee said he had been fully focussed on the issues of his constituents whilst simultaneously sending them messages to give him Candy Crush lives.

Mills spoke to reporters to explain his actions, telling those present that, “I do not want people to think me sending requests for Candy Crush lives in any way reflects the disdain with which I hold my constituents.”

“If anything, I was benevolently introducing them to the world of highly addictive social gaming.”

Mills then began to sweat and search his pockets for a device, before continuing, “And if anyone would like to friend me on Facebook that would be just swell. Anyone? Just become my friend and I’ll hardly ever message you.”

“Just the odd little life, that’s all I want, just one fix and then it will all be better. I promise.”

“I can stop any time I want to, honest. Don’t you judge me!”

Candy Crush MP

Voter Simon Williams was one of those asked for lives by the MP.

He told us, “I ignored it, like I do everything I’m sent by the Tory party.”

“Though to be honest, I’m half expecting some Candy Crush in-app purchases to appear on his next expenses bill.”

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