Friday 5 December 2014 by Neil Tollfree

British Museum ‘now just taking the piss’ with Elgin Marbles, claims Greece


Elgin Marbles

The Greek Ambassador to London has expressed his dismay at plans to lend one of the Elgin Marbles to a Russian museum, claiming they were only doing it to ‘take the piss’.

“Neil Macgregor, the director of the British Museum invited me to a meeting to discuss the Marbles,” said Konstantinos Bikas, the Greek Ambassador.

“He told me of his plans to send one of them to a prestigious museum in another country.”

“He made a big show of pretending to consider the really worthy museums around the world then told me that all Greek museums were ‘shit’ and he was sending it to Russia.”

The controversial stones have been housed in the British Museum since the mid-nineteenth century despite repeated calls to return them to Athens.

“I explained to Mr MacGregor that it might be a generous gesture to perhaps loan them back to their homeland,” continued Mr Bikas.

“But he just shouted ‘Finders keepers,’ did a little dance, and told me to stick a vine-leaf up my bottom and ‘nob off back to kebab-land’.”

“I think he’d been drinking.”

The British Museum has since announced that the loan of the marble to the State Hermitage Museum in Russia would be the first in a controversial ‘Elgin tour of bastards’.

They are expected to take in Syria, North Korea and FIFA – but definitely not Greece.

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