Tuesday 25 November 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Guns still awesome, insists Grand Jury


grand jury say guns are awesome

An American grand Jury report has found, after a six month investigation, that guns remain awesome.

“We have looked at all aspects of firearms in America,” said Grand Jury spokesman Bruce Crane.

“And despite evidence of murders, accidental shootings, injuries, threats of violence, and all other gun crime, we have found that guns are still totally awesome.”

The investigation was called after it was suggested guns may not, in fact, be awesome.

America’s love of guns came about when immigrants from Western Europe arrived in the sixteenth and seventeenth century and shot everyone who lived there.

“Goddamn right I love guns,” said self-confessed gun nut Chuck Williams.

“Shoot, I just about crack a woody if I even look at my hunting rifle, and when I fire it? Hot damn!”

The Grand Jury report states that all guns are awesome and that any American who doesn’t own one is probably a ‘pinko fag.’

It dismissed the disproportionately large amount of gun-related injury in America as just ‘a by-product of having guns, which are awesome.’

“Shoot, I don’t know,” said Mr Williams, when asked about what could be done to limit the injuries caused by guns in America.

“More guns?”

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