Friday 21 November 2014

New bio-bus to run on bullshit election manifestos


Bio Bus

The UK’s first bus powered entirely by the excrement inside an election manifesto has gone into service between Bristol and Bath.

The 40-seat “Bio-Bus” runs on biomethane gas generated through the treatment of bullshit promises contained within the documents themselves.

The eco-friendly vehicle can travel up to 300km (186 miles) on one tank of gas, which in tests can be filled just by the Education section of the Liberal Democrats manifesto from 2010.

A spokesperson for GENeco who produce the methane explained, “If we’re looking for green energy based on human waste, then where better to look than the House of Parliament?”

“Our tests on the 2010 manifestos have been amazing. We knew they were full of shit, but we’ve been surprised by the yeald.”

“As I’m sure you can imagine, the mountain of horseshit we’re expecting in 2015 is literally a goldmine for people like us.”

“Page after page of pungent shite, each of which could run our bus for a couple of miles.”

“If we could make a rule that every manifesto has to be 10,000 pages long we could eliminate the need for petrol.”

Voter Simon Williams cautiously welcomed the news, telling us, “Wait, a politician’s promise that actually helps the public? Where’s the catch?”

“No, I don’t trust it.”

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