Friday 21 November 2014

Farage erection enters 7th hour


Farage erection seventh hour

Nigel Farage’s erection shows no signs of abating, according to source close to the UKIP leader this morning.

As his party won its second MP via Mark Reckless in the Rochester & Stroud by-election, Nigel Farage is said to be sporting a tumescence that full-time workers in the adult film industry would be proud of.

As one UKIP insider explained, “Obviously it’s a great night, and we all react to good news and success in different ways, which is fine.”

“But he’s wandering around the place like a teenage boy in a room full of girls who think he’s the best thing ever.”

“When he speaks to people who were involved in the Rochester campaign, every syllable is accompanied by a tiny pelvic thrust and massive grin.”

“His ‘We. Are. Going. To. Be. In. Pow. Er.’ was particularly disconcerting, as I’d just put a vol-au-vent in my mouth.”

UKIP win

Medics are keen to assess Farage as seven hour erections are said to be dangerous for men who also like to drink and smoke.

However voter Simon Williams explained, “Ah, just let him enjoy it. If I was him I’d probably have a power-boner too.”

“Of course, the alternative is the apparent impotence of Ed Miliband. Which would you prefer?”

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