Monday 17 November 2014

Nation hoping there are flesh-eating kangaroos in Australian jungle


I'm A Celebrity 2014

As the new series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here began on ITV, the nation has become transfixed on the idea of a flesh-eating marsupial storming the camp in the middle of the night and devouring the contestants alive.

The series began by introducing a wide range of people you don’t know, among faces of people you’ve never seen, interspersed with a couple who might have been recognisable in the eighties.

Viewer Sarah Williams told us, “Once again they have taken mediocrity to a whole new level.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s a trade descriptions infringement, right? Clearly that show should be called I’m A Fucking Nobody Now Let Me Eat Some Testicles For Your Entertainment.”

“How am I supposed to know which of them should sleep in a vat of animal faeces if I’ve no idea who they are?”

I’m A Celebrity, Honest

Television owners Grant Matthews told us, “I’ve been researching, and though Kangaroos are strict herbivores, and evolution can take millions of years, I’m still hoping that a savage meat-eating genus will emerge before the season finishes.”

“It might somehow make its way into camp and get stuck into that moron from that Essex abomination.”

“It might need to be post-watershed, but I guarantee ITV it will be the biggest audience they’ve ever had.”

“They could even sell it on pay per view and make a fortune.”

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