Thursday 13 November 2014 by Neil Tollfree

UKIP demands cuts in number of migrant birds allowed into UK


UKIP bird migration

A UKIP councillor has called on the Government to limit the number of birds migrating from Eastern Europe to the UK.

“Lapwings, Siskins, Bramblings, they’re everywhere,” said Barry Goerring.

“Now, I’ve nothing against these birds. I recognise that they have to migrate from colder climates for winter. But why does it have to be to here?”

Bird migration has become an increasingly polarising topic in recent years, with some concerned over the country’s ability to cope with the influx.

“We simply don’t have the infrastructure to handle all these Eastern European birds,” said UKIP supporter Marina Taylor of East Sussex.

“There’s only a limited number of ponds, and well, I’m not one to cast aspersions, but my bird table has started to smell recently.”

“And it never used to smell when it was just robins and sparrows.”

UKIP criticises migration

The Government disagreed with the assertions made by UKIP.

“What UKIP fail to bring up is net migration,” said Home Secretary Theresa May.

“Yes, we do see a great many birds; Redwings, Starlings, even some ducks and geese emigrating from Eastern Europe.”

“What they don’t mention is all the British swallows and cuckoos that fly south from the winter. Would UKIP be happy if South America started turning them away?”

But UKIP leader Nigel Farage was adamant, “I think Mr Goerring is quite right to bring this up. We do have a problem with unfettered bird migration from Eastern Europe,” he said over a pint in the nearest pub.

“And don’t even get me started on blackbirds.”

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