Thursday 13 November 2014

Bankers’ wrists starting to get really sore


Bankers wrist slap

Bankers working in the city of London have explained how their wrists are incredibly sore after yet another severe slapping yesterday.

With fines and a severe talking to also part of the punitive action, some bankers have told us that maybe manipulating the market for their own selfish ends might not be worth it. Maybe.

As one banker explained, “Some people would argue that the systematic manipulation of a market that affects pretty much every economy on the planet would be deserving of prison time – but those people would be mad, obviously.”

“Prison is for people who shoplift, or don’t pay their council tax – not for people who conspire to break law in such a massive way that it impacts literally everyone.”

“And anyway, the fear of a wrist-slapping is a far better deterrent than the fear of prison. I mean, look how right wrist is, that there is basically a welt.”

“It’s quite barbaric – perhaps we should just return to a ‘stern talking to’ like any civilised society?”

Bankers’ wrists slapped again

Another banker told us, “Looked, there are only so many wrist-slappings you can take from the financial industry regulator and the government before you have to have a long, hard look at your life choices.”

“I mean, we’re not even close to that number of wrist slaps, obviously – but if you could just keep giving them out every time we do something horrifically illegal I am confident we will get there one day.”

“Hopefully by the time I’ve retired – which by the way won’t be that much longer because of the obscene amount of money I earn.”

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