Tuesday 11 November 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Mafia threatens retribution over payday loan crackdown


Mafia payday loans

New regulations introduced to prevent payday loan companies from charging extortionate fees have prompted anger amongst Mafia interests in the sector.

“As you know, we are an affiliation of legitimate businessmen,” said Vinny ‘the reaper’ Marlione, head of the New Jersey Marlione family.

“But, if these goddamn limey Government pussies think they can screw around with our most profitable concern, then they will have a goddamn war on their hands.”

“The five families are united on this,” he added.

The government, however, have adopted a conciliatory tone.

“I don’t think threats of violence are acceptable,” said Home Secretary Theresa May.

“As ever with our financial sector, we are prepared to sit down with any criminal organisation to find a way for them and their shareholders to work in the industry.”

Payday loans

The Mafia are thought to be the last of the major organised crime groups to still be involved in the payday loan business.

The triads pulled out when it was made illegal for the payday loan companies to take the first-born sons of those late with their repayments.

The Russian Mafia withdrew when the Government prevented the loan companies accepting human organs for repayments.

It has been suggested that maybe the payday loan industry could extricate itself from the clutches of organised crime.

“Are you kidding me?” Said a spokesperson for Wonga.

“You think we could get people with a conscience to work in this business? No chance.”

“You want to work in payday loans, you’ve got to already be on your way to Hell.”

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