Tuesday 21 October 2014

Prisons to be full of Twitter morons by Christmas


Prison full of twitter morons

News that Internet trolls could face two-year custodial sentences has led to warnings that the nation’s prisons could be full of Twitter morons by Christmas.

Justice Secretary Chris Grayling has spoken of his desire to crackdown on crime, and explained that putting people who act like morons on Twitter in prison for longer is definitely the best way to do that.

Grayling told reporters, “Society is at threat thanks to these social media criminals, and I will stop at nothing until our prison system is creaking at the seams due to the thousands of people who post ill-advised things on Twitter.”

“Plus, you know, it’s much easier to arrest a Twitter troll, than say, an armed robber or a rapist. So each arrest is a lot cheaper.”

Twitter trolls to see prison

Those in prison already have questioned the move to put a greater number of Twitter trolls in prison, and for longer.

Violent mugger Simon Williams told us, “They’ve just put a guy in my cell who is doing time for tweeting obscenities about his broadband provider, and the person in their call centre who kept fobbing him off. He’s proper hardcore.”

“He’s got the sharpest turn of phrase I’ve ever seen.”

“In here, being mean on Twitter is the new ‘beating someone up in the canteen’. These guys can leave you feeling worthless with just a few taps of their keyboard.”

“You don’t mess with the trolls man, every fool in here knows that.”

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