Tuesday 21 October 2014

Oscar Pistorius to finally find out what a burglar in your toilet actually sounds like


Pistorius gets five years

Oscar Pistorius has been sentenced to five years in prison, and will finally have the opportunity to find out what it actually sounds like when a criminal is using your toilet.

Pistorius has been given five years in jail for killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp, and will serve his time alongside actual burglars who are going to need the toilet with alarming regularity.

Former resident of a South African jail, Simon Williams, spoke of the experiences that are now ahead of Pistorius.

He told us, “The sound of a burglar using what you could loosely described as ‘your bathroom’ is a sound Oscar will come to know intimately during his time inside.

“There will be absolutely no mistaking it. I still hear it in my dreams now – and the smell, of dear jesus the smell.

“Funnily enough, a burglar in your bathroom sounds a lot like a thief, rapist or a con man in your bathroom, too.

“I imagine he will lie awake listening to it, right next to him, wondering how he ever mistook it for the sound of his girlfriend.

“It’s not a sound you could easily mistake for your girlfriend in the bathroom, unless she’s got a thing for prison food and poor personal hygiene?

“He won’t have a pleasant time in there, obviously – but on the bright side, I doubt he’ll ever make the mistake of shooting another girlfriend in the exact same circumstances.”

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