Thursday 16 October 2014

Ebola outbreak nothing to worry about, confirms Obama from White House hazmat suit


Obama ebola address from white house

US President Barack Obama has told concerned citizens not to worry about the ebola virus in a broadcast from the Oval office inside his specially made hazmat suit.

Obama spoke reassuringly to explain that the isolated cases in Texas were nothing to be concerned about and that everything was being done to protect the public, pausing only briefly to adjust the microphone inside his airtight medical suit.

He told those watching, “Though Ebola is a serious medical condition, americans should not be overly concerned.”

“Rest assured that isolated cases of the virus are being dealt with swiftly, and that you should just go about your day exactly as you did yesterday, and much like I am now.”

“All necessary precautions are being taken to keep you and your loved ones safe, you have my word about that.”

“Nothing is more important to me than keeping the American people safe, and that starts right here in this office, in this suit.”

The broadcast was then cut short after the president caught the yellow plastic of his suit on a splinter before suffering what some viewers described as a mild panic attack.

Obama Ebola address

The broadcast has been welcomed by Americans across the country, many of whom are feeling more relaxed about ebola already.

Texas resident Chuck Williams told us, “I feel better already – I mean, if Obama says it’s nothing to worry about, then it must be true.”

“Though, to be on the safe side, I shot the postman that sneezed on my doorstep this morning. Better safe than sorry!”

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