Monday 13 October 2014 by Neil Tollfree

World united in plan to avoid prolonged ISIS conflict by making Turkey do it


Turkey urged to take on ISIS

After months of fraught diplomatic negotiation, the world has united in its plan to avoid a decades long Vietnam style conflict with ISIS by making Turkey do it.

Keen to avoid putting ground troops in harm’s way, the world has agreed that making Turkey go and start on ISIS would be best for all concerned.

“Hell, it was a US idea, obviously,” said US Secretary of State john Kerry,

“But we don’t want to take too much credit. This is a time when the world came together to try to push Turkey into sacrificing the lives of thousands of soldiers so we don’t have to get our hands dirty.”

The UK was the first to back the plan.

“Oh yes, we backed the plan before we knew what the plan was,” said foreign secretary Phillip Hammond, “if it’s military and suggested by the Americans; we fully support it. Definitely.”

But it wasn’t as simple as that for all countries. The French were initially very reluctant.

“Oui,” said French Foreign Minister Laurent Fabius.

“Our first instinct was to oppose any sort of ground incursion into Syria or Iraq. It is simply too scary.”

“But then, obviously, it became clear that we wouldn’t have to do anything so we were happy to support the plan.”

There has been no official Turkish response to the plan but an unnamed source from the Turkish Government was heard to say, “Ground troops against ISIS?”

“Yeah, why don’t we just stick a broom up our arses so we can sweep up as we go?”

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