Wednesday 8 October 2014 by Neil Tollfree

Operation Yewtree urged to consider extending remit to cover ‘historic twats’


Operating Yewtree twats

Officers in charge of Operation Yewtree been urged by the public to expand their investigations beyond historic sex offenders to people who have always been a bit of a twat.

The call comes as the rate of arrests amongst minor celebrities begins to slow down, leaving the fear that some of the more annoying celebrities may never be arrested at all.

“We are listening to the public over this, I assure you,” said Chief Inspector John Greene.

“We know that people are hugely disappointed that large swathes of twats from the eighties and nineties seem to not only have gotten away with being twats, but in some cases continue to be twats.”

Television owner Simon Williams told us, “Well I say ‘it’s about time’. I grew up in the eighties so I was the victim of loads of twats.”

“You know, Paul Daniels and Noel Edmonds and that? Massive twats. They shouldn’t allowed to get away with it.”

Operation Yewtree changes

As a result in the change of focus Simon Bates has already been stopped at Stansted Airport attempting to leave the country whilst wearing stupid jumper.

Paul Christopher witnessed the arrest and found it hard to contain his emotions, “Good. Bloody good. After what that bastard did with ‘Our Tune,’ I hope they throw away the bloody key.”

Steve Wright is still defiantly being an enormous twat on national radio, trotting out the same old ‘factoids’ and inflicting banter on his aging ‘posse.’

It is believed that the only reason he hasn’t gone to ground is that he’s too lazy to leave the studio.

Other high-profile potential targets include Mike Read, Chris Tarrant, Stan Boardman, Mick from Pat and Mick, Pat from Pat and Mick, and Orville the Duck.

We will keep you up to date with developments as they happen.

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