Wednesday 1 October 2014

Kim Jong-Un broke ankles leaping tall building in single bound, confirms Pyongyang


North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un broke his ankles after leaping a tall building and landing awkwardly, government officials have confirmed today.

A statement released by the nation’s government insists that in a demonstration of his super-human capabilities, the Supreme Leader leapt over the Ryugyong Hotel in Pyongyang, only to land awkwardly on the other side, resulting in minor fractures to his ankles.

The statement read, “The Supreme Leader had a little tumble, which is to be expected when you leap a 105 story building from a standing start. No run up or anything.”

“The workers responsible for constructing the pavement on which he landed will be suitably punished, whilst the Supreme Leader himself recovers – which will be much quicker than any normal human can recover, obviously.”

“In fact, the doctors have been amazed how incredibly quickly he heals. He is a medical marvel. You should put that bit in your reports, definitely.”

Kim Jong-Un breaks ankles

Early reports indicate that former Fulham manager Felix Magath has been contracted to assist in the Supreme Leader’s recovery, given his preference for cheese-based medical treatments.

The North Korean spokesperson continued, “Magath is helping doctors and has so far prescribed five pounds of continental cheese every 24 hours.”

“There was some debate as to how the cheese was to be taken, but it has been agreed that it will all be taken orally.”

“It is a prescription most welcomed by the Supreme Leader.”

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