Friday 26 September 2014

Anti-aging vaccine could see Justin Bieber’s career continue indefinitely


Anti-aging vaccine

Researchers have discovered the secret to allowing cells to regenerate indefinitely, raising the possibility of a never-ending Justin Bieber music career, reports Op Ed News.

Researchers at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies claim that a vaccine to cure aging will be developed and released soon, however it is highly likely to sort of people who first receive it will be those least deserving.

With a vaccine for aging potentially being developed, many different organizations and prominent individuals have started to take sides in the argument over whether this is a good or bad development.

“I will definitely be signing up to get the vaccine as soon as I’m able to,” claimed famous singer-songwriter Justin Bieber.

“I can’t wait to stay 20 forever! I’ll be able to tour for as long as I want and I could have a thousand albums – can you imagine?!”

While some preteens and other young women are excited by the prospect of Bieber staying young forever, the majority of people are fervently praying he gets in a serious accident before the vaccine can be distributed as he was voted the number one most annoying celebrity by Ranker.com.

Anti-aging vaccine

Anti-vaccine campaigner Jenny McCarthy, “This is an absolute travesty! This is worse than a regular vaccine! What, it could make me young again? Where can I get some?”

We also approached eCommerce vendor Shopify to get their thoughts on the matter. They stated that, “an anti-aging vaccine would be great for business. Consumers would have all of eternity to continue to shop online!”

According to Science Daily, the Salk Institute’s report included the following explanation of their discovery:

“In our bodies, newly divided cells constantly replenish lungs, skin, liver, and other organs. However, most human cells cannot divide indefinitely – with each division, a cellular timekeeper at the ends of chromosomes shortens.”

“When this timekeeper, called a telomere, becomes too short, cells can no longer divide, causing organs and tissues to degenerate, as often happens in old age. But we have found a way around this countdown; by producing an enzyme called telomerase, which rebuilds telomeres and allows cells to divide indefinitely – rendering Justin Bieber essentially immortal.”

“You can thank us later.”

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