Monday 8 September 2014

Alex Salmond claims independent Scotland would part own Royal Baby


Alex Salmond wants share of Royal baby

Any Royal Child conceived whilst Scotland is part of the UK will be part owned by an independent Scotland, Alex Salmond has confirmed today.

As the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge announced that they are expecting their second child, Salmond congratulated the couple before explaining he will be the child’s part-owner.

The leader of the ‘Yes’ to independence campaign told reporters, “I would like to congratulate William and Catherine, and look forward to welcoming this child to Scotland, seeing as it’s part ours.”

“The people of Scotland have contributed taxes towards the conception of this new royal baby, and as such we expect to take our fair share with us when we leave.”

“Yes, it’s difficult to take a certain percentage of a child, so I’m sure we can come up with some sort of timeshare agreement.”

“The people of Scotland are a proud nation, and will continue to be very proud of the bit of the child they own.”

“The English bit, not so much.”

Royal Baby on way

Constitutional experts have explained that Salmond’s insistence on a ‘royal baby union’ with the rest of the United Kingdom is par for the course for the SNP leader.

Reporter Simon Williams explained, “The thing with Salmond and this new royal baby is that he wants his cake, and to eat it.”

“In fact, I put that very same point to him in an interview earlier, but unfortunately he completely lost his train of thought at the mere mention of the word cake.”

 

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