Thursday 28 August 2014

Being a closet racist was exhausting, claims UKIP’s ‘outed’ Douglas Carswell


Douglas Carswell

MP Douglas Carswell has said that he is proud to be out of the closet and finally able to say the sort of racist things only UKIP members normally get away with.

After serving as a Conservative MP for nine years, Carswell said it was a relief to finally be out in public as the real Douglas Carswell.

He told reporters as a news conference, “I stand here to tell you I have been living a lie – and now that lie is out in the open.”

“For years I have been wearing a veil of respectability as an MP, whilst all along I’ve been secretly convinced that the filthy foreigner is the root of all society’s ills.”

“Often I would say something racist without thinking, then make a joke about how that’s something only a racist would say – everyone would laugh and we’d move on.”

“But now it’s so refreshing to finally be able to admit the way I feel about these things, and not be forced to hide behind a thin veneer of decency.”

“My UKIP friends said that I should have come out as a racist years ago, but I was worried what my family and friends would think – would they accept me, would they disown me?”

“But I don’t care, I am who I am, and if they can’t accept me for the sort of person who doesn’t like people being different to me, then that is their loss.”

“I am now officially an ‘out and proud’ UKIPer, and it doesn’t matter how abhorrent my views might ultimately become, I will always have a home amongst my fellow UKIP bigots.”

“And for that I am immensely grateful.”

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