Tuesday 5 August 2014 by Gary Stanton

Israel and Hamas to accept Greg Dyke peace plan


Greg Dyke peace plan

FA chairman, Greg Dyke, has come up with a perfect solution to the Middle East conflict, if anyone is prepared to listen.

Dyke insists he has finally found the answer to the age-old problem of what should happen when a bigger, more powerful neighbour marches into your backyard and steals all of your land.

Mr Dyke’s chief idea is to restore peace to the region by allowing dangerous fanatics on both sides to compete in a murderous “B” league.

Under his proposals, two new territories named Israel B and Gaza B will be created out of existing bits of Egypt and Syria.

“By diverting ethnic hatred into this new league, which no one will take seriously for one minute, the remainder of the region should fall quiet,” said Dyke.

“The British helped to create this unsightly mess so it’s only right that a Briton, i.e. me, should help to fix it.”

Greg Dyke Peace Plan

Dyke’s plan will kick off with two forty-five minute periods of ceasefire with time added on for injuries, of which there should be an abundance.

But after weeks of bombardment, the proposals are likely to fall on deaf ears as nobody in Gaza can hear a fucking thing.

“Part of the problem is the lack of young talent coming through on the Gaza side with most of their key ‘players’ either dead or in the process of being slaughtered ,” added the 63 year-old FA man, who is no stranger to dealing with arguments in tunnels.

“This is what happens when you let too many foreigners in.”

The news will come as a welcome relief for Israeli and Palestinian leaders who spent months searching for an experienced problem solver before finding Dyke’s name on the website RatedPeople.com.

“I read all the nice comments about him fixing the BBC and at once my mind was put at ease,” said Hamas representative Ali Akrami.

Last night Dyke remained optimistic about generating a universal love fest between Jews and Arabs.

“Peace in the Middle East? I’m masterminding a plan for England to win the World Cup, so this will be a doddle.” he concluded.

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