Monday 21 July 2014 by Alex

Gove: Day 2 of Job ‘A Success’ as Merely Loses Trousers, Slips in Dog Turd


Michael Gove

Sacked Education Secretary Michael Gove pronounced the second day of his new job ‘a complete success,’ having avoided getting locked in the toilet for a second day running.

“I’m looking forward to re-asserting my authority over my parliamentary colleagues,” said Mr Gove, before treading in a substantial dog turd in front of press photographers and sliding a fifteen-foot length of Whitehall pavement.

“The toilet incident is really yesterday’s news,” he continued, as his trousers fell down whilst meeting an influential delegation of Conservative backbenchers.

Mr. Gove then pressed the wrong key on his laptop, interrupting his PowerPoint presentation with a selection of Westlife videos from his hard drive.

Gove: Toilet incident ‘an aberration’

On his way to a later broadcast interview, the ex-minister received a shock of static electricity whilst closing his car door, letting forth with a string of expletives in front of a party of pre-school children, and nuns.

“The whole business yesterday was an aberration,” he insisted to Sky News, stepping backwards, catching his foot on a cable and knocking the crew’s equipment into the River Thames.

There was then a brief commotion as the politician was chased by a passing professional kickboxer, whose wife is understood to be having an affair with a man of similar appearance, whose clothes Mr. Gove had borrowed that morning.

His injuries were later confirmed as ‘purely external’ after the doctor who had initially examined Mr. Gove was found to be bogus, and detained by the police.

When approached by Newsthump for a quote, Mr. Gove said: “I know the Prime Minister can rely upon me as a safe pair of hands.”

“Aaaiiiiieeeee!!!” he added, stepping on a rake.

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