Recent claims by the Conservative party that Michael Gove has passed the Turing test and is therefore a real human being have turned out to be ‘inaccurate’.
Five politicians were tested at the Royal Society in central London to see if they could fool people into thinking they were humans during text-based conversations.
Although two of them passed, the Secretary of State for Education Michael Gove failed comprehensively, achieving the lowest score since Bruce Forsyth was tested in 1986.
The famous test, devised by computer science pioneer and second world war codebreaker Alan Turing, said that if a politician was indistinguishable from a human, then it was “thinking”.
To pass the test 30% of human interrogators must be duped during a series of five-minute keyboard conversations.
The final results, released by Professor Kevin Warwick, from the University of Reading, said that in conversations with Michael Gove, only 0.02% of respondents thought he was human, and even those suggested that he must be ‘some sort of idiot savant, but without the savant bits’.
Gove fails Turing test
Several of the testers terminated the conversations with Gove early, citing irreconcilable differences of opinion and a ‘general distaste of everything he said and everything he stood for’.
Computer Science student Tre Standford said, “It was uncanny. I have never wanted to punch a computer so much in my entire life.”
“I mean, this was far worse than the Windows 8 launch. I really really wanted to kill him. Obviously he’s not real so I can say that.”
David Cameron has urged caution, confirming that the national computing curriculum is changing this year anyway.
“Michael will have a chance to re-take the test next year,” he confirmed, “when it’ll be much easier and moderated by unqualified teachers.”
“We’re confident he’ll pass, and if he doesn’t, we can always try a software update.”
“We’re aiming for at least a 40% human cabinet in 2015 and I’m fully committed to engineering the results we need to achieve that,” he concluded, before shutting himself down and folding himself into his own laptop bag.