Monday 9 June 2014 by Adam Southward

Scotland may already have WMDs, claims Tony Blair


Tony Blair spoke out against Scottish independence again today, claiming the country ‘may already have Weapons of Mass Destruction’.

The former prime minister argued that giving the Scots independence may create a rogue nuclear state just north of the border.

Calling for a pre-emptive strike, Blair has asked NATO to recommended immediate military action while he fabricates enough evidence to support his accusation.

Although US President Obama urged caution, President Bush was seen boarding Air Force One wearing full military fatigues, screaming “hang in there Tony, I’m coming. I’m coming!”

President Bush, who still commands a full platoon of US Marines plus an Army Air Assault Brigade, pledged his unwavering support for Blair against the Scottish terrorists.

“It wouldn’t surprise me in the least if we find Saddam holed up in a Glaswegian suburb,” said Bush on a satellite phone over the Atlantic.

When it was pointed out to Mr Bush that Saddam Hussein was executed nearly eight years ago he pulled out a pistol and shot his press officer in the leg.

Blair accuses Scotland

Labour leader Ed Miliband was hesitant when addressing Blair’s comments, “We need to be clear on the difference between openly accusing Scotland of having these weapons and Scotland being openly accused of having these weapons.”

“We suspect Tony is guilty of whichever one causes the Labour party the least amount of reputational damage.”

David Cameron told the commons, “We don’t think it’s in the public interest to hold a referendum on the subject of Scottish military action.”

“Whenever we ask the public anything these days, the answer is always UKIP. And we all know what they think about foreigners.”

Blair and Bush were last seen heading up the A1 in a camouflaged Land Rover, having reportedly picked up Hans Blix from an Oxfordshire retirement home en-route.

As they neared the border all three could be heard singing, “I don’t know but I’ve been told, a nuclear winter’s mighty cold.”

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