Wednesday 4 June 2014 by Adam Southward

Michael Gove to open faith school dedicated to teachings of Michael Gove


Michael Gove faith schools

It was revealed yesterday that the Secretary of State for Education Michael Gove plans to open his own faith-based free school dedicated to the life and teachings of Michael Gove.

The Gove school will teach the core values of bullying, fear and intimidation wrapped into a curriculum that bears many of the hallmarks of an English Baccalaureate but without any of the subjects or the teachers.

It will in fact be based around a single, holy book known as the ‘Michael Gove 2010 White Paper on Educational Reform’.

Asked if the school would be employing fully qualified teachers, Gove replied “obviously we can’t discriminate against teachers who are qualified, but I’d prefer that they weren’t.”

“The Gove faith was founded on ignorance of the intellect, ability, training and wishes of qualified teachers across the UK.”

“It would be silly if I asked my pupils to listen to them now.”

Gove faith schools

Rumours that all pupils must dress like Michael Gove have been exaggerated.

“The Free School consultation document is clear that nobody should be forced to dress in a particular way,” said Mr Gove.

“I do, however, need to recognise that many moderate Govites, as well as people of other religions, believe that wearing a bewildered expression masked by a pair of comedy glasses is a religious requirement and some parents will therefore want their children to do so.”

“The dress requirements are not currently part of the extremism definition,” said NUT General Secretary Christine Blower,

“But, consistent with our already-stated position on Gove and his extreme views, we would consider anybody looking, dressing or behaving like Michael Gove to be an extreme moron.”

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