Thursday 29 May 2014

Two thirds of people lying about how racist they are


Racism on the rise

A new survey of the public assessing their attitude to people of difference races has discovered that two-thirds of people will happily lie about how racist they actually are.

Of those questioned only one-third were happy to admit their racist tendencies, with the remainder preferring to pretend they aren’t even a little bit racist.

Lead researcher on the survey, Simon Williams told us, “Did you know there are people out there who will look you right in the eye and tell you, right there, that they don’t have a racist bone in their body?”

“The lying indigenous scumbags.”

“Sure they might not be UKIP-voter racist, but I’ll bet they’ve taken a shifty look at a woman in a Burqa, or tutted to themselves after getting a foreign waiter in a restaurant.”

“I think the people in this country who aren’t even 1% racist, you could count on one hand. And they’re probably blind and deaf anyway.”

Racism on the rise

Respondents have sought to defend their position when answering ‘not racist’ during the survey.

Mike Jones explained, “I said I’m not racist because I voted for the Green party – a party who are definitely not racist.”

“I mean, admittedly I always double-check my change when I use the corner shop owned by that Indian chap up the road, but that’s not racist, is it? It’s just being sensible.”

“And I would never buy anything from a black door-to-door salesman, but that’s just capitalism at work, not racism.”

Researcher Williams concluded, “If you want to know if you’re a bit racist, there’s a simple test you can take. Ask yourself, if your daughter came home and told you she was marrying a Muslim foreigner, how would you feel?”

“See, I told you, we’re all a little bit racist.”

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